Grammatical craziness

OK, a little bit of politics. There was a political ad I saw on TV not a half hour ago that featured a glaring grammatical error:

RGA TV Ad: Tom Barrett - Wisconsin

The ad, critical of gubernatorial candidate Tom Barrett, features two bar patrons arguing whether Barrett was responsible for "Higher Taxes" or "Less Jobs." I cringed when I saw this commercial, because the latter claim should read "Fewer Jobs." The word "less" refers to something that can't be counted, as in "I'm in less pain than I was yesterday;" meanwhile, "fewer" refers to something that can be definitively quantified, as in, "If only I'd taken fewer doses of epinephrine."

Way to go, Republican Governor's Association. A focus group thought of this commercial, editors approved it, and a bunch of actors read their lines without anyone noticing? Or were these naysayers dismissed for being too grammatically elitist like they came from the East Village or something?

And perhaps it wouldn't get my goat so much if "Less Jobs" wasn't screamed repeatedly throughout the ad, and featured in two additional TV spots where it is also shouted at the top of everyone's lungs. Come on, RGA.

This is what I get for reading the Language Log.

Still here

Yes, I'm still alive. There hasn't been much to report at the zoo since the mad rush of a la Carte (oh, you didn't hear about that? My bad). In the future I'll try to report on the madcap hijinks that go down in the fall and winter, all in preparation for that brilliant three-act zoo play I'll write (no animals will be in the play, and in the end the message will be that humans are the real animals). Samuel Beckett mixed with David Mamet, anyone?

Encounters at the zoo

Anecdotes from the zoo, over the past several days:

Kid: "Hey zoo man! An animal is loose!"
Me: "They're the peacocks, they're supposed to be loose."
Kid: "Ewwwww!"

Zoo employee: "I've been in the kangaroo pen, they're so afraid of people."

Same zoo employee: "I've actually fed the polar bear. Did you know you can see it through the fence out back." (My stand is situated right next to the polar bear den).

Woman: "Hey, you're a zoo employee. Can you hop that fence and get me that peacock feather?"
Me (eyeing the rhinos nearby): "Ummmmm, sorry. I'm not allowed to go past the fence."

Young girl, with brother, to her dad who'd bought both popcorn, a slushie, and lemonade: "We're expensive."
Dad: "Yeah, you're expensive."

Man, to a friend: "Yeah, Gene Hackman's a funny guy. He did all those Mel Brooks films. I was watching their take on Star Wars a few days ago, that was hilarious."
Friend: "Ha ha, that was funny! That guy's helmet was like three feet long."
(Referring to "Spaceballs," and mistaking Hackman for Gene Wilder)

Kid: "Metro Goldwyn Mayer, that's it." (I swear a kid said this to me out of the blue. Maybe I misheard)

And, of course, the question you will only be asked if you work at a museum or where I do: "Where are the dinosaurs?"

Playing host twice

Last week I spent a wonderful 2+ days with a friend from Lancaster (lives in Wisconsin, but also studied abroad with me). It was the first time I'd invited someone over for an extended stay since...since, well, ever. Minus a sleepover or two, I don't think many of my friends have seen life in the BP household firsthand. This coming weekend another friend from a little farther away will be visiting, so I will have a chance to repeat the process.

Everyone I want to spend time with lives so far away. Life can be cruel sometimes.

Once again on the subject of animals

Is this going to turn into a blog about the zoo? Or about the animal kingdom? Who knows, these types of things just evolve on their own.

Last week I finished a fascinating book that I recommend to all those reading this blog. It's called "Monster of God" by David Quammen, and it deals with humanity's relationship with big, man-eating creatures. There's enough history and travelogue and zoology in there to appeal to a lot of tastes.

All Creatures Great and Small

As my mom pointed out to me the other day, I work just about the only job where I could be killed and consumed by one of my employer's income generators. That isn't to say I fear for my safety -- I never interact with the animals, and a Google search tells me that the last time a visitor was hurt by an animal at this zoo was back in 1992, to a black bear bite -- but nevertheless, I am always reminded that there are dangerous creatures behind the pens. Think San Francisco in 2006.

Last week I was given a memo regarding the procedures in case of an animal escape. It's about what you'd expect: move the visitors to a safe point inside a building, making sure not to give them any specifics but assuring them there's nothing to worry about. And do not, under any circumstances, try to interact with the animal. That is the responsibility of a select few with access to the zoo's arsenal. Interestingly, this memo listed animals on their likelihood of being designated "shoot to kill," with the grizzlies, lions, tigers, snow leopards, and hippo being among the most dangerous animals. Trust me, you don't want the polar bear to escape.

A Starbucks barista doesn't have to worry about this kind of stuff.

And I have

I'm back after a year. Sorry it's been so long, but I was recently recalled to Washington over my controversial comments in Us Weekly.

Where will I take this blog? If possible, I may change its title to a clever, punny one not related to English poets. I may also use it as a place for ruminations of my life and the world. Right now I'm working at the Milwaukee Zoo and also writing a little bit of sci-fi.

Stay tuned.