All Creatures Great and Small

As my mom pointed out to me the other day, I work just about the only job where I could be killed and consumed by one of my employer's income generators. That isn't to say I fear for my safety -- I never interact with the animals, and a Google search tells me that the last time a visitor was hurt by an animal at this zoo was back in 1992, to a black bear bite -- but nevertheless, I am always reminded that there are dangerous creatures behind the pens. Think San Francisco in 2006.

Last week I was given a memo regarding the procedures in case of an animal escape. It's about what you'd expect: move the visitors to a safe point inside a building, making sure not to give them any specifics but assuring them there's nothing to worry about. And do not, under any circumstances, try to interact with the animal. That is the responsibility of a select few with access to the zoo's arsenal. Interestingly, this memo listed animals on their likelihood of being designated "shoot to kill," with the grizzlies, lions, tigers, snow leopards, and hippo being among the most dangerous animals. Trust me, you don't want the polar bear to escape.

A Starbucks barista doesn't have to worry about this kind of stuff.

And I have

I'm back after a year. Sorry it's been so long, but I was recently recalled to Washington over my controversial comments in Us Weekly.

Where will I take this blog? If possible, I may change its title to a clever, punny one not related to English poets. I may also use it as a place for ruminations of my life and the world. Right now I'm working at the Milwaukee Zoo and also writing a little bit of sci-fi.

Stay tuned.